How to Ask for Time Off After Sexual Assault or Domestic Violence
You Shouldn’t Have to Choose Between Healing and Working
Life doesn’t pause when something traumatic happens. And if you’ve experienced sexual assault, domestic violence, or another traumatic event, you may find yourself trying to keep up with work while your body and mind are still in survival mode. That isn’t sustainable, and it isn’t fair.
If you’re here, we want you to know this: you don’t have to carry this alone. You deserve time to rest, recover, and feel safe again. This guide will walk you through how to request time off in a way that is professional, respectful of your privacy, and grounded in your rights.
We’ll also provide email templates and real examples of what to say in a meeting with your manager or Human Resources.
The Survivor’s Guide to Healing at Work
Step 1: You Have the Right to Heal
Asking for time off after trauma may feel uncomfortable, but it is both normal and necessary. You are not being dramatic. You are not being difficult. You are taking care of yourself, and that is a powerful act.
In many cases, your company or state may already have policies in place to protect you. These may include:
Paid time off (PTO) or sick leave
Job-protected leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)
State or city-specific domestic violence or sexual assault leave laws
Short-term disability leave
Flexible work arrangements or adjusted schedules
If you are unsure what policies your workplace has, check your employee handbook or reach out to Human Resources with a general question. You do not need to disclose details at this stage.
Step 2: How to Write a Leave Request Email
You don’t need to share your full story to request time off. A clear and simple message is enough. Below are two sample emails: one for general leave and one if you choose to briefly mention domestic violence or sexual assault.
Email Example 1: General Leave Request
Subject: Request for Leave
Hi [Manager's Name],
I hope you're doing well. I wanted to reach out to let you know that I’m dealing with a personal health matter that requires my full attention right now. For that reason, I need to take some time off from work to focus on recovery.
I would like to request a leave of absence beginning [insert start date], with a tentative return date of [insert return date, if known]. I understand that there may be steps I need to complete, so please let me know what information or documentation you may need from me to begin the process.
Thank you for your understanding and support during this time.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
Email Example 2: Trauma-Informed Leave (If You Choose to Share)
Subject: Request for Leave (Confidential)
Dear [Manager or HR's Name],
I’m reaching out because I’ve recently experienced a traumatic personal situation involving domestic violence [or sexual assault], and I need to take time off to prioritize my safety and recovery.
I believe this may qualify for leave under [insert state or company policy name], and I would like to begin the process of requesting that time away. I understand the need for documentation, and I’m willing to provide anything required.
This is a sensitive matter, and I appreciate your care and confidentiality as I navigate this process. Please let me know the next steps and who I should speak with directly.
Thank you,
[Your Name]
Step 3: What to Say in a One-on-One Meeting
If your workplace prefers verbal communication or you feel more comfortable speaking directly, here are two sample scripts.
Script for General Personal Leave
Script: General Personal Leave (No Details)
Hi [Manager’s Name], thank you for making time to meet with me. I wanted to speak with you in person because something personal has come up that I need to address. It’s related to my health and wellbeing, and I’ll need to take a leave of absence starting [insert date].
I’m still working out the details of how long I’ll be away, but I can keep you updated as I get more clarity. Right now, my main focus is taking care of myself, and I want to make sure I follow the right steps to request leave.
Can you help guide me through the process or let me know who I should speak to?
Script if You Choose to Mention Trauma
Hi [Manager or HR's Name], I want to share something difficult. I’ve recently gone through a traumatic experience involving domestic violence [or sexual assault], and I’m not in a space where I can continue working right now.
I need to take time off to focus on my mental and emotional health, and I believe I may qualify for protected leave under our policies or state law. I’m willing to provide documentation if needed, and I’m asking for your support and guidance on how to move forward with this process.
I appreciate your understanding and confidentiality during this time.
Step 4: How to Set Boundaries When Asked for More Information
You are not required to give details about what happened. If your manager or HR representative asks questions that feel too personal, here are some respectful ways to respond:
Boundary Response 1: Keep It Private, Offer Documentation
I’d prefer not to go into the details right now, but I can provide documentation from my healthcare provider or counselor if needed. I want to make sure I follow the correct steps while also protecting my privacy.
Boundary Response 2: Respectfully Redirect
This is a very sensitive situation, and I’m not comfortable discussing the details. I’m requesting leave because I need time to focus on recovery, and I hope I can count on your support in helping me navigate the process.
Boundary Response 3: Legal Language + Emotional Boundaries
I understand that certain documentation may be required, and I’ll provide what’s necessary. That said, I’d like to keep this matter confidential and avoid sharing details that aren’t essential to the leave request. I trust that my privacy will be respected in line with workplace policy.
Human Resources may request some documentation for leave or FMLA purposes, but they are legally required to keep your information private.
Step 5: Know Your Rights Under the Law
Many states have laws that protect employees who need time off after experiencing domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking. These laws may allow time off for:
Medical care or counseling
Filing a police report
Attending court hearings
Relocating for safety
Making a safety plan
The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) also provides up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave for serious health conditions, including those related to trauma and mental health.
To learn more about your specific protections, visit WomensLaw.org and search for your state’s employment rights.
Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.’s)
Can I take time off from work after a traumatic event like sexual assault or domestic violence?
Yes. In many cases, you can take time off using paid sick leave, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), or state-specific protections for survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault. You are not required to give full details in order to take leave.
Do I have to tell my manager what happened to request time off?
No. You are not required to share personal details. You can simply say you’re dealing with a personal or medical issue. If you’re working with HR, you can request confidentiality and share only what’s needed to access your leave benefits.
How do I write a professional leave request email after experiencing trauma?
Keep it short and respectful. You might say: “I’m dealing with a personal health issue and need to take time off starting [date]. Please let me know what the next steps are.” You don’t need to include any specifics unless you choose to.
What are my rights if I need time off after domestic violence or sexual assault?
Your rights depend on where you live and where you work. Some states offer protected leave specifically for survivors. FMLA also allows for up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave for health-related issues. Check your state laws and employee handbook or visit WomensLaw.org for legal information.
What if I go back to work and realize I’m not ready?
That’s okay. Healing is not linear. You may be able to extend your leave, request accommodations, or explore other options like remote work or even a job change. Don’t ignore what your body and mind are telling you—your wellbeing comes first.
Will my employer keep my information private?
Yes. In most cases, HR is legally required to keep your health and trauma-related information confidential. If you’re unsure, ask them directly about how your information will be handled.
Taking time off to heal is not a weakness. It’s a decision to prioritize your safety, your health, and your future. Whether you take a few days or a few months, your recovery is valid. You are not alone, and you are not overreacting.
You are taking one brave step at a time—and that’s more than enough.
If you are interested in additional recovery resources, you can download our free Trauma Recovery Journal Prompts or explore our healing tools and survivor-centered resources at The 1st 28 Foundation. We’re here for you—on day one and every day after.
