Tips on How to Leave an Abusive Relationship When You Have No Money
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If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 by call or text, text "START" to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.
If you are reading this, you are probably already doing one of the hardest things. You are letting yourself imagine a way out. That matters. That takes courage, even when it does not feel that way right now.
We want to be real with you before we share anything else. Not having money is one of the most common reasons survivors stay. It is not a personal failing. It is not weakness. In many abusive relationships, financial control is deliberate. It is a tactic used to make sure you cannot leave. If you have been cut off from income, prevented from working, or had your money taken or controlled, that has a name. It is called financial abuse, and it is not your fault.
At The 1st 28, we are not here to tell you what to do. You know your situation better than anyone. What we can do is share some things we have seen help other survivors find a path forward. Some of these may apply to your situation. Some may not. Take what is useful and leave the rest.
Whatever you decide, you are not alone in this.
A Note on Safety Before You Go
We share this not to frighten you, but because you deserve the full picture.
Research consistently shows that the period just before and just after leaving an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous. Abusers often escalate when they sense a partner pulling away. This is why safety planning, thinking through your exit before you make it, can make a real difference.
This does not mean you have to wait indefinitely. It means that if you have any time to prepare, even a little, that preparation can protect you.
A few things survivors have found helpful before making a move:
Do not tell your partner you are planning to leave. This is one of the most important things we can share. Even when it feels like the honest thing to do, it can significantly increase risk.
Think through who you can trust. Is there one person, a friend, a family member, a coworker, who knows what is happening? Even one safe person can change everything.
Create a code word. Some survivors choose a word or phrase to text or say to a trusted person when they need help right away. Pick something that would not raise suspicion if an abuser saw it.
Be thoughtful about your digital trail. Clear your browser history after visiting resources like this one, or use a private or incognito window. If you share a phone plan with your partner, they may be able to see your call history.
You do not have to do all of this perfectly. Any step toward safety counts.
What Financial Abuse Can Look Like
Before we get into practical tips, we think it is worth naming this clearly. Many survivors do not realize that what they have experienced has a name.
Financial abuse can look like a lot of different things. A partner who controls all the money and gives you an allowance. Someone who prevents you from working or finds ways to sabotage your job. A partner who puts all the bills or debt in your name without your full understanding. Someone who monitors every purchase, takes your paycheck or benefits, or runs up debt in your name.
If any of this sounds familiar, you have been dealing with financial abuse. The lack of resources you are facing right now was not an accident. That is not on you.
Building a Small, Secret Safety Net
One of the most practical things survivors have done, when they have time and when it feels safe, is quietly build a small emergency fund and gather important documents.
When it comes to money, here are a few things that have helped other survivors:
Open a bank account in your name only at a bank your partner does not use. Ask for paperless statements sent to a safe email address your partner does not know about.
If you receive any cash, whether from work, family, or returns, set small amounts aside somewhere your partner will not find.
Ask a trusted friend or family member to hold money for you.
When it comes to documents, these are worth gathering when it feels safe to do so:
Your photo ID or passport
Your Social Security card and your children's if you have kids
Birth certificates
Any financial account information
Medical records
Evidence of abuse like photos, texts, or emails stored somewhere private, such as a trusted person's phone or a private cloud account your partner does not know about
A note about an emergency bag. Some survivors keep a small bag packed with essentials like medication, a phone charger, cash, documents, and a change of clothes, hidden somewhere accessible or left with a trusted person. If you ever need to leave quickly, having this ready can help.
If gathering these things safely is not possible right now, that is okay. Many domestic violence organizations can help you obtain copies of key documents once you have reached safety.
Free Resources and Financial Help
Here is where we want to be real with you. You do not need money to access most of these resources. That is one of the biggest surprises for survivors who reach out. Real, tangible help exists.
Domestic Violence Shelters
Local DV shelters typically offer free housing, meals, and support services. They are confidential, meaning your partner cannot call and find out if you are there. Many also provide case management, legal advocacy, and help with next steps. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to find a shelter near you.
FreeFrom
FreeFrom is a nonprofit that provides direct cash assistance to survivors of intimate partner violence. They exist specifically to help with the financial barriers to leaving.
TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families)
Cash assistance through TANF is available to qualifying survivors and can provide real financial breathing room while you get on your feet. A DV advocate can help you apply.
211
Calling or texting 211 connects you with local resources for housing, food, transportation, and healthcare at no cost. It is one of the most underused resources available to survivors.
Legal Aid
Many areas have free legal aid organizations that help survivors get protective orders, navigate custody, and address financial issues like debt placed in their name. A protective order can also legally prevent an abuser from hiding or draining shared financial assets.
SNAP (Food Assistance)
If food is a concern, SNAP benefits can help cover groceries. Many DV organizations can help you apply.
The 1st 28 Foundation
If you are working toward rebuilding your life and career after leaving, The 1st 28 offers free journals, workshops, and career support resources specifically for survivors. You do not have to have everything figured out to reach out to us. That is what we are here for.
Your People Matter
One of the most isolating parts of an abusive relationship is that abusers often work to cut survivors off from the people who love them. Friends, family, community. If you feel like you have no one, we want you to know that is something that was done to you, and it can be undone.
A few places to find support:
A local DV organization or advocate. These folks have seen every kind of situation. They will not judge you, rush you, or tell you what you must do. They can help you think through your options at your own pace.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by phone, text, or chat. You can reach them at 1-800-799-7233. You do not have to be in crisis to call. You can reach out to ask questions, think out loud, or just talk.
Crisis Text Line. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor by text. It is free, confidential, and available any time.
A trusted person in your life. Even if your support network has been limited by your partner, there may be one person, a family member, a former friend, a neighbor, who would help if they knew what was happening.
You deserve people in your corner. That community exists, and we hope The 1st 28 can be part of it for you.
What Becomes Possible After
We know it can be hard to imagine the other side when you are still in it. So we want to name some of what survivors have told us becomes possible once they are safe.
Rapid rehousing programs help survivors move from shelter into stable housing quickly. Career assistance programs, including the ones we offer at The 1st 28, help survivors rebuild professional lives and financial independence. Therapy and community support help you process what happened and rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.
None of this happens overnight. Healing is not linear, and rebuilding takes time. It happens though. We have seen it. We know it is possible for you too.
Additional Resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org, 1-800-799-7233, or text "START" to 88788
Crisis Text Line. Text HOME to 741741
FreeFrom (direct cash assistance for survivors) at freefrom.org
211 for local resource referrals. Call or text 211
WomensLaw.org (legal information and safety planning) at womenslaw.org
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) at rainn.org, 1-800-656-HOPE
The 1st 28 Foundation at the1st28.org
You Do Not Have to Have It All Figured Out
We will end where we started. You are not alone, and you are not to blame.
Leaving is complicated. Staying is complicated. Financial barriers are real. Safety risks are real. None of that means you are without options, or without people who want to help.
No matter what you have been through, no matter what has been taken from you, nothing will take your light.
Whenever you are ready, The 1st 28 community is here. Whether that is today, tomorrow, or six months from now, we will be here.
